Kaizen
I Can Make a Difference
Joy Guidi, MBA2
Issue date: 3/6/02 Section: Columns
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"You really help me stay out of trouble."
"We [Barbara's teachers] have noticed a tremendous change in Barbara – she's much more peaceful these days."
These words are all near and dear to my heart, because they help me see the value in being a mentor. I've been mentoring a 13-year old Hispanic girl for nearly 5 months, and we usually spend about 3 hours per week together.
For the first couple of months during our friendship, I really struggled with understanding if I was effective as her mentor – I asked myself continuously if I was really making any meaningful difference in her life. Week after week, she would (very casually) mention things going on with various family members and friends…her parents' use of (and overdose from) drugs and alcohol, the cousin in juvenile detention, the classmates that attempted to commit suicide, the uncle that molested her cousin…the hardships in her life never seemed to end.
I felt powerless, listening to all these devastating events and wondering, How would I cope with even one of these experiences? I certainly didn't know what to say that could make things better and I wondered if anything I did could ever help. It was incredibly sad to hear, and I wondered if a few hours of diversion in a week really mattered.
I met Barbara through Friends for Youth, a local mentoring program that matches "at-risk" youth with community adults. The program is fairly structured in that they have certain "activities" you must complete at various points in your friendship. At first I found these events tedious and time-consuming, but they've given me hope that I can have an impact.
The first activity was a review after our three-month anniversary, during which both Barbara and I met individually with our counselor and discussed our feelings about our friendship. I expressed my concerns that I felt helpless, and it was quickly pointed out that it was not my responsibility to fix these problems – my role is to give Barbara the attention and friendship she otherwise might not get.
When the three of us regrouped, our counselor shared our respective feedback with each of us. I learned that what Barbara enjoys most about our friendship is the conversations we have in the car, which is usually when I hear about what's happening in her life. She just wants someone to listen and it's meaningful to know that someone cares about her.
The second activity I had to complete was meeting with one of Barbara's teachers. During this meeting, I learned that Barbara is consistently a top-performer in her class and that she is exceptionally bright. I was so proud of her, you'd have thought she was my own kid.
I also heard that her teachers have all noticed a difference in her behavior and attitude, from the way she dresses to her interactions with teachers and classmates. Her teacher had tears in her eyes as she talked about Barbara's potential and the need for her to just survive the next few years, until she could go to college and escape her current situation. Hearing all this made me so happy to be a part of her life, and to know that caring and consistency can go a long way.
So now we focus on Barbara's dreams and aspirations, as well as having fun together. We made candy and cards for Valentine's day, and her card to me said, "Thanks for being a great friend and helping me choose right." We also make dinner together, watch movies, and are planning a trip to the Monterey Aquarium. Sometimes we take her younger brothers along.
She wants to be a dancer, so we're sending away for information on the Julliard School in New York City. (She'd previously expressed an interest in Stanford, so of course I'm encouraging her to keep us top of mind too!) It amazes me that an eighth-grader has college on her mind, and I encourage her to believe in herself and remember that she can accomplish anything she puts her mind to.