New graduation honor planned
Betty, Henry Ford to be awarded simultaneously
Jim Twiss
Issue date: 12/3/01 Section: Humor
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In an effort to increase recognition of non-academic achievement at the GSB, Dean Joss announced today the creation of a new graduation honor, the Betty Ford Scholar. Starting with the class of 2002, representatives of the faculty, staff, and the local bar scene will identify one student who has done the most to drink him- or herself into oblivion over the course of two years.
Reaction from the GSB community was strongly positive. “It’s about time,” said Gerardo Jimenez of the Schwab Residential Center. “It just breaks my heart to see these first-years getting plastered every night, knowing no one will ever recognize them for it.”
Director of Student Life Courtney Payne concurred. “We already have the Henry Ford Scholar, the Siebels, and the Arjays. What is there for the class-skipping bibulent? We need to level the playing field.”
At the press conference announcing the creation of the Betty Ford honor, George Parker warned the crowd not to leap to conclusions. “We still haven’t settled the criteria for the award,” he cautioned, “but don’t expect it to be based purely on volume. Sure, Tom Welch, MBA2, can run through a keg a week, but he’s still always in his front-row-center seat for that 8:00 AM class. We’re looking for evidence of meaningul impairment.”
To the casual observer, it might appear that several members of the class of 2002 are already jockeying for the honor. None, however, would admit it. “I’m not going to ruin my last two quarters here worring about winning the Betty Ford,” said Paul McCaffery, MBA2. “Yeah, I go out a lot, but if I feel like doing some supplemental reading for a class, I’ll just go ahead and do it. Life is too short to sacrifice everything just for some dumb award.”
David Landry, MBA2, also denied that the Betty Ford would affect his behavior. “I’m not spending my sixty-sixth consecutive night at the Goose for Dean Joss,” he protested. “I’m spending my sixty-sixth night at the Goose for me.”
Reaction from the GSB community was strongly positive. “It’s about time,” said Gerardo Jimenez of the Schwab Residential Center. “It just breaks my heart to see these first-years getting plastered every night, knowing no one will ever recognize them for it.”
Director of Student Life Courtney Payne concurred. “We already have the Henry Ford Scholar, the Siebels, and the Arjays. What is there for the class-skipping bibulent? We need to level the playing field.”
At the press conference announcing the creation of the Betty Ford honor, George Parker warned the crowd not to leap to conclusions. “We still haven’t settled the criteria for the award,” he cautioned, “but don’t expect it to be based purely on volume. Sure, Tom Welch, MBA2, can run through a keg a week, but he’s still always in his front-row-center seat for that 8:00 AM class. We’re looking for evidence of meaningul impairment.”
To the casual observer, it might appear that several members of the class of 2002 are already jockeying for the honor. None, however, would admit it. “I’m not going to ruin my last two quarters here worring about winning the Betty Ford,” said Paul McCaffery, MBA2. “Yeah, I go out a lot, but if I feel like doing some supplemental reading for a class, I’ll just go ahead and do it. Life is too short to sacrifice everything just for some dumb award.”
David Landry, MBA2, also denied that the Betty Ford would affect his behavior. “I’m not spending my sixty-sixth consecutive night at the Goose for Dean Joss,” he protested. “I’m spending my sixty-sixth night at the Goose for me.”
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